Still in the cold of Winter, entered into Pisces season, we are feeling into our shadows. We are dreaming in the dark. We are receiving messages from our unconscious. We are feeling old stories in our bones. We might be feeling the need to pull off scabs and agitate old hurts. We need to feel. We need to process. We are being invited to integrate our painful or tricky emotions into our new experiences and we can do so in a healthy way.
Everyone has tricky relationships in their lives. Sometimes relationships that are good for a while can get crappy for a time. Whether it be with a family member, a coworker, a friend, it is sometimes difficult to communicate our needs because we are stuck in a cycle of guilt or shame or confusion and frustration or even anger. A tool that I often use when sorting out my feelings and creating proper boundaries with people is to write letters. But these are letters I will never send. These are letters I will keep in my journal, or ritually write and then burn by candle light. I find that the act of writing the letter that I will never send is so cathartic because I am allowed to be honest and vulnerable. I don’t need to sugar coat what I have to say. I don’t need to worry about making the other person feel comfortable. I don’t need to qualify what I am about to say before I say it. I can get straight to the point. I can state my feelings, my disappointments, and my needs. And then I can state how moving forward I will protect myself with a boundary. Letter writing to a specific person, rather than just writing in my journal about how I feel about that person, allows me to pinpoint the issues that I have within myself that I know I need to heal. It reminds me that I hold the keys to healing within myself, and that I have another lesson to learn about seeking validation from others. If I love the person and want to keep them in my life, I can easily move into future interaction with them with my silent boundaries set. No harm, no foul. If I need to cut this person from my life, I can do so with clarity of purpose. This is such a powerful and effective tool for me that I wanted to share. All of my letters are private, just for me to see (or burn), so this is a template of one that I recently wrote. I invite you to try plugging in your own story into this template and observe what you find. Share with me if you feel called! I am interested in the work that you are doing!
Dear Loved One,
I love you dearly. I respect you. I am proud of what you have been able to accomplish. I thank you for all that you have taught me and continue to teach me.
I am disappointed in you because _______. I wanted you to do XYZ because I asked you to, or I expected you to, or I wanted you to intuitively know to do it. I see you doing XYZ for others and sometimes I wish that you would think to do the same for me.
I am hurting because you_______. I have relied on your praise for my own self worth. I understand that it is not from you but from within me that I need to find that. I realize that my expectations need to be adjusted. But I wanted to tell you how I feel.
I am doing this in my life. I would like you to know about it. I am telling you now, in detail, what I am up to, how I am feeling and why I choose to be on the path that I choose. I am proud of who I am, what I have done and am excited about my plans for the future. I love you and I want to share that with you.
I am stating my boundary to you now. I take the energy back for myself, what I have given to you. I need my own resources to be strong. I choose to engage in relationships that nourish me as much as I nourish them.
I wish you the best. I love you dearly. I respect and admire you greatly. I thank you for the lessons that you have taught me and continue to teach me.