You have to have a lot of self love to be joyous in this life, especially when you have a physical affliction that can draw a lot of negative attention to yourself.
The ease in which I can move about in the world has been altered. I spend a lot of energy navigating the best way to go through it. What is my best option today to provide myself comfort, peace, mental well being? The answer is different from moment to moment.
It has made me staunchly guarded. In my confidence there is a stoic energy, a force that allows me to meet a strangers eyes with determination of a spirit that embodies self love. It is an energy force that requires fuel and refuel. Fuel and refuel. Fuel and refuel. I need to lie down and rest. I need to breathe deep and feel my muscles twitch until they are still. I need to close my eyes, close my door, shut off the phone. It is a practice that I used to be able to do with less self awareness. I have always needed this, but I have learned to have a stronger awareness about the practice itself. I am grateful for my unique experience because through it I have developed more capacity for self love.